


I Think I Might Have Inhaled You

by Ballycastle_Bat



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: (Spoiller it's John), Autistic Ray Palmer, Blood, Body Horror, Canon is just a suggestion, Comic Book Science, Dialogue Heavy, Drama, Hanahaki Disease, I wrote this for an event, Jewish Ray Palmer, Lack of Communication, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Never before have I ever pulled this much fake scince from my arse, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Barry Allen, One sided Nate/Amaya, Past Major Character Death Mentioned, Prayer, Ray is the grandpaa of the crew, Scars, Timeline What Timeline, blink and you miss it Mona & Gary QPP, fictional medical stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-02-21 13:59:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18703732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ballycastle_Bat/pseuds/Ballycastle_Bat
Summary: While on a mission, the team gets exposed to Hanahaki disease spores from another earth. Luckily, there isn't much romance on the waverider. Off of it, however?  That's another story.





	I Think I Might Have Inhaled You

**Author's Note:**

> [[Warninigs: Blood, breathing problems, life-threatining illnesses, death preperation (but spoiller: no main ship death)  
> Disclaimer: I am not Jewish, I am simply a learner. While it doesn't come up a lot in this fic I would just llke to say that if I made a mistake and something is offensive I apologise and I am very open to critique!  
> Prompt: A03 Armada Facebook group's Armada May Hanahaki Disease event.]]

Ray Palmer’s day on the waverider was quiet until about three. That was when Barry called. It came as a surprise. He hadn’t planned on talking to Barry that day but he was more than happy to open up his routine to Barry.  
  
“So,” said Barry. “Do you mind if I eat? I was running around today.” Barry spoke from the monitor on Ray’s desk. His face in full screen mode.

“Go ahead,” Ray nodded and began to take notes on his whiteboard near his desk. “Catch any metas lately?”

Barry shoveled a piece of nigiri sushi into his mouth. “Yeah,” he nodded and set his take out down. “Weather Wizard has a _daughter_. She tried to kill him.”

“Oh, wow. That sounds like a mess.”

He sighed. “Yeah, but we got her in iron heights.”

Ray scribbled a few things down. “You always save the day.” Ray covered his mouth with his arm, coughing lightly into it.  
  
“You alright?”

“Yeah. Mick’s got a cat now’s all.”

“Oh man, I’ll make a mental note to make sure Gideon’s filtration system is top notch when I get to building her.”  
  
Ray thanked him and finished his equations. “I’m still stuck.”

“Let me see,” Barry ate another piece of sushi, a roll with something crunchy looking on top.  
  
Ray moved the board so it was in view of the monitor. Barry studied the equations carefully. He recognized the formula for the speed of sound instantly. “What are you trying to find?”  
  
“Well, with Wally here I’ve been thinking about the Speed Force more and more. You run at Mach nine, Wally clocks about a mach seven but he’s been improving.” He erased an equation and added one that Barry didn’t recognize. “and I’m comparing your mode of time travel with ours on the Waverider, and trying to figure out how fast a Speedster would have to run to reach us in the timestream without the jump ship--but it’s also difficult because you would have to sort of run and jump to our exact coordinance in the time stream or you would be swallowed up by it. Which is extremely silly but in a pinch it could hypothetically be useful!”

Barry squinted at the board for a moment. “I think one of your issues is that you’re using the generic measurement for the speed of sound though air. The speed of sound in the time stream is different.” He moved to a board in the lab and started writing some things onto it.

Ray watched him work, looking extremely focused and coughed again. He sighed but crossed his arms and waited for Barry to finish, feeling a tickle in his throat again, he coughed. “Maybe I should come by this week. I could help you out. Wally is an excellent speedster but I have spent a little more time studying speed and the Speed Force.”  
  
Ray nodded eagerly and crasped one hand over the other. “That would be great.” he coughed softly again, and then again.

Barry dropped his marker and pulled out a spiral. “High quality filtration system for Gideon,” he mumbled out.  
  
“Sorry,” Ray apologised and crossed his arms. “It’s not that big of a deal. When did you want to come by? I’ll let Sara know.”  
  
“I’ll have some time this week. Does Monday work for you?”

“Absolutely, as long as there are no emergencies.” The two got off the phone and Ray made his way to he medbay. He didn’t like the medbay. It was always a few degrees too cold.  
  
He laid down in the chair, it cradled his head in a comfortable way. Ray had fallen asleep in this chair before, but he had to focus now.“Gideon, please do a scan of my lungs, lock the results.”

Gideon’s voice came over the speaker. “It appears the Hanahaki spores your team was exposed to have multiplied. I suspect only a few weeks before they grow roots and begin to sprout. I’m administering a biologic to prevent your immune system from having incorrect reactions to the spores. I’m also generating an inhaler to help you breathe.”

“Thanks, Gideon.” He rose from the chair.  
  
“Should I call Barry Allen and inform him of your condition?”

“Why would you call Barry?” Gideon laughed, and Ray crossed his arms. Gideon got more and more snarky the more members of the team interacted with her. Sometimes it was refreshing and others it wasn’t. “Don’t call Barry. I’ll tell him I’m sick if it comes up.”

“My scans are indicating that that’s a lie.”

“Goodbye Gideon.”  
  
Ray made his way out into the front office where Sara was shuffling some paperwork around. Sara glanced up at him. “Hey, Ray listen I’m not taking any complaints about Mick’s cat, okay?”

  
“People are complaining about Axel II? But she’s so sweet!”  
  
Sara set her papers down, ignoring his question. “What do you need, Ray?”  
  
“Could you ring your sister for me? I need some legal assistance.”  
  
Sara looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “Legal assistance?”

“That’s what I said.”  
  
“Okay …” She punched a few keys on her computer. Laurel’s picture came up, it seemed she was somewhere industrial.

“Hey, Sara! How’s time and space?-- I love asking that.”

“Dr. Palmer needs some legal advice.”  
  
She left them alone to chat for a bit. It appeared that Laurel didn’t exactly have the jurisdiction to handle the matter. They caught up briefly and he thanked her for her time.  
  
“Hey, Mick, you still like money, right?”  
  
Mick grunted. “What am I going to do with money on a timeship?”

“So you don’t want $300,000?”  
  
The cortex fell silent and stared at Ray. He kept up his positive thinking facade. Things would be fine. He would figure something else out. This was just a precaution.  
  
“What’s the catch?”  
  
“No catch, I could die and I’ve got a couple billion stashed away.” Ray gave a casual shrug of his shoulders.  
  
Everyone in the cortex relaxed. Ray did this sometimes. Decided being a Legend was risky enough that he needed to reevaluate his will. This usually involved about four days of checking what everyone wanted. It was always everyone uncomfortable but they knew it would be done in a week.  
  
“I’ve got some student loans,” Wally brought up, hoping it would make the process go faster.

“Oh,” Ray waved dismissively. “I already took care of that.”  
  
“Uh, thanks man.” Wally rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.  
  
“That reminds me, I should call Jax and let him know…”  
  
“I could use $300,000, Ray!” Mona spoke now. She’d caught on from Wally that this was something that needed to go over quickly. “and Gary needs to repair his nipple.”  
  
“Alright, $300,000 for Mona and for Gary.” he smiled, taking vigorous notes. The team was relieved that the conversation seemed to end.

* * *

On Monday, Ray was getting ready for Barry to call. He would have to depart with the jump ship to retrieve him. He was excited, he liked being around Barry. He liked when Barry came by. It really lit up his day. Everyone who knew Ray could tell it was a little different from his usual brightness. “Getting ready for Barry to visit?”

It was Nate who had appeared. Ray dropped the squirt bottle he was using to clean off the board he had been writing on. He had already requested Gideon save his progress.

“Yes! There hasn’t been another scientist in my lab since Stein.” Ray began to clean and he coughed.  
  
“Mick’s cat is going to kill you. Gideon, increase air filtration.”  
  
Gideon’s voice came over the loudspeakers in the lab. “Air filtration is at maximum, Mr. Heywood.”  
  
“Huh, strange. Could you double check for cat dander?”  
  
“No dander detected, Mr. Heywood.”

“Maybe you should have Gideon do a scan. You can’t get sick on the ship. That’s just begging for an outbreak.”  
  
Ray nodded and agreed weakly, going to sort some papers. “Gideon, please check surveillance and tell me where I put my green folder.”  
  
“It’s in the third drawer, Dr. Palmer.”

“Thank you Gideon!” he pulled it out from its hiding place and carefully placed the papers inside and locked them in with the unfolding spine. He set it beside a blue one on the desk.  
  
“Wow, your lab is way more organized than mine.” Barry said as he entered the space. “I dig it.”

“Barry!” Ray grinned, but he coughed into his arm again. It was brought on by the way Barry smiled at him. Of course it was. Ray kept up a positive attitude though. He always did.

Nate stared at Ray for a moment as he registered the situation. _Ray didn’t-- no_ . Nate brushed it off, absentmindedly scratching at the scars around his wrist. “Well,” he cleared his throat. “This historian is going to leave the science to the scientists.” he slowly backed out of the room.  
  
Barry and Ray settled right into work. Ray was surprised by how eager Barry was for his silly hypothetical experiment. Barry was truthfully excited. He loved working with Ray.  
  
Ray was smart, and charming. Barry could relate to him on a level he wasn’t used to. Ray was a warmth he wasn’t used to. A warmth he barely remembered. He’d considered telling Ray how he felt before but he worried how it would be received. Ray was one of the most positive, open people he’d ever known. The aura made him feel at home. (and as he thought this. he could hear Freud rolling around in his grave.) It almost reminded him of his late father.  
  
It was familiar and he liked it. It has been so easy to become comfortable around Ray and therefore easier get to know him. Also, Ray never seemed to mind when he fell asleep on his shoulder while they were working. What he didn’t know though, was that Ray actually enjoyed it. Often resisting the urge to run a hand though Barry’s hair and letting him rest.  
  
Ray never did though, he always thought that would be creepy. It was one thing when he was physically affectionate with Nate but with Barry it was another story. He was surprised to find Nate was like him; not caring what other people thought of their closeness. With Barry though, he wasn’t quite sure where lines would be drawn.  
  
“You and Nate are really close, yeah?” Barry said, during one of their Captain-enforced breaks. Gideon had fabricated a bunch of Ray and Flash compatible snacks. He felt like he was in high school again studying for a big test-- but instead of a test it was trying to figure out if a speedster could made their way to a timeship cruising the time screen. _Basically the same thing, right?_

Ray smiled. “Yeah! We’re The Time Bros-- trademark pending.” He gave Barry a nod and dipped another celery stick into the dressing on the plate.  
  
“That’s really cool.”  
  
“Yep.” Ray wondered silently why Barry had asked. He didn’t understand the tone of the question--or if there was one. He hadn’t been watching Barry’s face when he asked. He considered his options before adding. He remembered the last time someone had asked him something like that, and went with it. “He’s straight though.”

“Sorry?”  
  
“You know, he likes girls.”  
  
“So do I, and men.”  
  
“So I don’t think you and Nate will be a very good match.”  
  
“I don’t want to date Na--” Barry paused. “Sorry, were you having trouble reading my tone? I was just making conversation. I didn’t mean to imply I was interested Nate, that was my bad.”  
  
Ray scratched the back of his head. “Oh, yeah. Sorry the last time someone asked me something like that, it was some girl in high school trying to date Sydney.”

“I am definitely not attracted to Nate. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a handsome guy. Nice too. I’m interested in someone else too.” He hoped dropping that last bit didn’t sound too baity or juvilille. It was the first thing that came to mind when he was suspected of having a thing for Nate.  
  
Ray began to cough heavily. It seemed to be a bit worse than when Barry heard it before. “Gideon, please increase filtration.” Barry instructed.  
  
“Filtration is at maximum, Mr. Allen.” replied the A.I. The response wasn’t what Barry had been hoping for, not really.  
  
Ray pulled an inhaler from his pocket and used it. Barry didn’t draw attention to it, the same way Ray didn’t draw attention to how much Barry ate.

“Boys, you can go back to working now.” Sara called over the intercom. So they dove right back into their process. They didn’t need to be asked twice.

* * *

Barry was gone nearly a month. Well, he spent a month in the time stream anyway. In actuality he would be dropped off a day after he left. There were days he had to run off and help the Legends with a mission but for the most part it was quiet and just the two of them. Ray’s cough seemed to only get worse though, which worried Barry slightly. Though Ray said having Barry with him made him feel better.  
  
“So,” Ray said as he scribbled down some equations on the whiteboard. “A mach in the time stream _TSM_ is only one hundred miles a second.” he crossed off one equation and added another. “There are also dense pockets of gas all around us. So, technically if a speedster could generate enough space to travel through time, then vibrate themselves into the time stream, and continue moving at about … ten TSM, one could propel themselves off those gas pockets and make their way to the Waverider, but that’s granted they have our exact location and they can run past the vacuum.”

“Well, that sounds easy.” Barry’s tone was sarcastic and punctuated by a snort.

“Main problem is that they would only have about three minutes of air and with one misstep they would end up propelled through the time stream and slowly suffocate.”

“So, we’re not testing anytime soon?”

“Absolutely not. It’s _ridiculous_ and _dangerous_ . Though, I’m sorry if you felt like this was a waste.” Ray smiled apologetically.  
  
Barry shook his head. “No way, man! Now we know. Plus, I love working with you, I thought you knew that.” He crossed his arms and looked at the board. “... Lets hide this from Wally though. I don’t trust him to not try this.”  
  
“Noted.” He nodded and started to clean up the board. “Thanks for coming out to help me … I really appreciate it.” Ray shot him a hundred watt smile that nearly took Barry’s breath away. Barry stepped forward. “Bro hug?”

Ray laughed and pulled Barry into a bone-crunching hug. Barry sighed, Ray smelled _good_. Like a nice cologne, with an underlayer of coffee. Barry gave him a squeeze before pulling back. “I look forward to working with you again.”

* * *

When Barry was invited back to the waverider it had been a long absence. He missed Ray. He hadn’t seen him in a long time, though they still called several times a week. He could recall an instance a week prior when Ray called him from his bed, admitting that he just missed Barry. It made Barry feel great, being open like that with him the way he was with Nate.  
  
“I miss you too, Ray.” Barry replied, feeling a familiar warmth in his chest. Ray was so genuine when he was nice. It was hard not to get drawn into him. “Maybe I can come by and see the Waverider again soon.”  
  
Ray had eagerly agreed. Though the next day he went through to Sara. “Hey, Sara? My lab and my room … do I own that, or is that Time Bureau property? That’s kinda confused me.” He had a notepad in his hands and she sighed heavily.  
  
“I don’t know, Ray.”

“Well, the waverider originally belonged to the time masters, but they’re gone, so then it was Rips. He gave it to you, then stole it for the Bureau but then we became part of that when we stole it back--”

“Ray, how about we just say that all of the lab equipment is yours, everything in the room is yours, but the actual spaces themselves are mine.”

“Sounds perfect.”

She glanced at his paper. Admittedly curious about who was getting his lab equipment. She assumed Barry, of course, but she kind of wanted to see for herself.  
  
_Estimate: 7 months, 15 days_ _  
_ _Wally: $300,000_  
Mona: _$300,000  
_ _Gary: $300,000_ _  
_ _Laurel: $200,000 (Should cover all past and future legal fees for the crew)_ _  
_ _Barry Allen: Lab equipment. (wouldn’t accept my money)_ _  
_ _Nate: $300.000 + Baseball cards._ _  
_ _Environmental Protection Program: $500,000_

  
Sara did a double take. “Ray, why is there an estimate at the top of this list?”  
  
“Because I could die in seven months.”

“What?” Sara demanded. “We thought you were just doing your monthly affairs.”

Ray shrugged. “It’s just a maybe.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, I got Hanahaki Disease.” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Is that why you went back to that earth to find a Rabbi to give you that blessing you wrote on your mirror?”

“Yes and no.” Ray shook his head. “I say that for everyone on the ship, but yes, I say it before bed now too.”  
  
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us.”

“I didn’t want you to be worried, and I didn’t want you to think I’m a liability.”  
  
“Well, you _are_ a liability, Ray. I’m sorry but you’re benched.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you better be. Go get some rest I’m calling Nate.”  
  
“Don’t say anything to Barry or the other teams. I might not even die. We don’t know yet.”  
  
“You’re on bedrest.” She clapped her hands. “Lets go, back to your room.

Ray resisted but found arguing with Sara futile. When Nate arrived he was pacing. “I thought it was Hanahaki.” Nate thrumbbed his foot during the only times that he was still. “It’s Allen, isn’t it? It’s gotta be Barry. He’s the only person you talk to.”  
  
“It might be Barry, I’ll tell them if it’s the right time.” He shrugged.  
  
Nate groaned. “The right time is when you’re _dying_ Ray. There isn’t going to be another time!”  
  
“The wrong time would be to say ‘Hey, I’m dying because I love you and I don’t think you love me back.’” Ray sighed and rubbed his face.  
  
“Then have Gideon cut it out!”

“I can’t do that, Nate.”

“Of course you can’t.” Nate could see this argument was getting him nowhere. “Do you want me to bring your blessing in here?”

“No thanks, I memorised it. Also, I’ll call Barry tonight and let Barry know I’m sick. So he can stay home if he wants.”  
  
Nate nodded once and hung around with Ray until the Bureau called him back.  
  
When Barry arrived, Nate immediately pulled him to the side. “Listen, Allen. We need to talk.”

“Alright, I’m all ears.”  
  
“I told Ray I wouldn’t say anything but I just-- with the situation at hand … Please take care of him? You know, be nice to him. I have to go back to the bureau. So, promise me you’ll take care of him? Watch his back.”  
  
Barry flushed _very_ slightly. “Uh, I mean.” He was taken off guard. He wasn’t expecting a big brother type talk from Nate, but it would appear he was getting one.  
  
“Please.”

“I promise, I’ll be good to Ray.”

“Thanks, man.” with the he was gone.  
  
Barry knocked on the door to Ray’s room. Only pushing it open when he was invited in by Ray. Ray was wearing sweats, a rare sight to Barry. He made an effort to look away from his arms. “Let me just grab a cleaner shirt then I’ll set up a movie in the office.”

“Sounds great.” Barry found himself a bit lost in the situation if he were being honest. Was this some kind of date? Did Ray just neglect to mention that? He wouldn’t put it past him. Sometimes Ray got a bit over excited and didn’t communicate to his fullest potential.  
  
He watched as Ray disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. When he emerged he wore a form fitting blue shirt and a pair of shorts. “Ready?”

“Yeah, what movie are we watching?”

“My favourite, but it’s a surprise!” He lead Barry into the office and Gideon prepared snacks for them. “Gideon knows your favourite movie snacks already. Hope it's fine I told her to just fabricate them.”

“You won’t hear me complaining.”

“Shall I begin playing Singin’ in the rain?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Singing in the Rain is your favourite movie?” Barry asked, honestly surprised.  
  
“Yeah, Wally said you liked musicals? We can watch sometime else.”

“Oh, no absolutely! I just love this movie.” Barry smiled and found a seat on the sofa that has been set up.  
  
“What’s your favourite number?” Ray asked, flipping on the movie and sitting himself on the far end of the sofa.

 _Okay,_ Barry thought, _Maybe this wasn’t a date._ Ray had a distance between them now. _Then what on earth was Nate on about?_ Though maybe this was just Ray being a gentlemen? Though he was sure Ray would have at least done something to indicate that this was more than just hanging out. “Well, when I was a kid it was _Good Morning_.”

“Me too! Is it something else now?”

Barry nodded. “Well, I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic. I went from Good Morning to the _You Are My Lucky Star_.”

“Very good choice,” Ray smiled, talking softly under the movie’s audio.

"What about you?”

“I must admit that _Good Morning_ is still a solid favourite, if I had to pick another I would probably pick _Singing in the Rain_.”

“Very good choices.”  
  
They settled in to watch the movie but of course ended up singing all the numbers together. Barry had _fun_ he decided only a few minutes later. He moved closer to harmonize with Ray, unsurprised to hear he had a voice. He sometimes caught Ray singing under his breath while he worked. He stuck his arm through Ray’s and Ray rested his head on Barry’s shoulder with some hesitation. He took a deep breath in as he felt Barry enjoying his company.

He thought back on the past few months that they’d gotten close. All the late phone calls, often running far past both of their bedtimes. The laughs and the jokes. The way Ray just cared about everyone. The I miss yous that started to feel less and less platonic, at least to him.  
  
Barry hesitated but wove his fingers in with Ray’s. Ray seemed surprised but welcomed the contact. By the end of the film Ray and Barry were much closer together. Barry felt comfortable. He thought about Ray putting his arm around him-- this definitely felt like a date now.

“Dr. Palmer, Mick Rory is returning due to injury.”  
  
“Injury?” Ray stood.  
  
“The team is facing difficulties.”

“Lets go,” Barry stood as well.

* * *

When the team returned to the Waverider, the next thing anyone could register, was Ray on the floor. Barry had never seen Ray drop in such a manner. Right to his knees. He choked, on what at first seemed to be nothing. Barry followed suit quickly kneeling down beside him. “Ray? Breathe.” His hand found his back.  
  
“Get him to the medbay!” Sara leaped over her desk and threw one arm under Ray’s. Barry took his other arm and lead him through. Wally helped lay him on the stretcher chair.  
  
“Gideon, call Nate!”  
  
They got Ray onto his side. He gagged and coughed, his lips tinted ever so slightly blue. He was virtually unresponsive for a few seconds before he began to shove his fingers into his mouth. Pulling at something, he pacicked. The tips of his fingers came back crimson.  
  
Barry opened Ray’s mouth and requested a light from Gideon. “What’s happening?”  
  
“A Hanahaki tumour is attempting to grow through his windpipe, Mr. Allen.”  
  
“What the hell does that mean--? Ray it’s going to be okay.” Barry shined the light towards the back of his throat and saw something poking it’s way up. It almost looked like … a bud. A bud drenched in red. “Gideon, can I pull it out?”

“That would be advised, but you must be precise. If the stem breaks before you pull it all the way out, removing it will be near impossible.”  
  
Barry watched the bud-like object move before his eyes. “Ray, hold still, I’ll figure this out.” He grabbed a tool from the table and gripped the mass just under the bud and slowly pulled it out, using the Speed Force. When the root left Ray’s throat he inhaled deeply. Barry dropped the object on the table it was--his eyes widened--it was a rose.  
  
“Gideon, what can you do for Ray?”  
  
“I’m going to stop bleeding and administer a Biologic as well as something for pain.”

Barry grabbed a towel and very gently began to wipe the blood from around Ray’s lips. He used a warm, wet towel to clean their hands. When he was done and Gideon had stopped the bleeding, Barry stayed with him. “Do you want to go to your own bed?” he asked when Ray was stable again.  
  
Ray gave a nod in return, his throat was too hoarse for words. Barry called Wally in to help him bring Ray to his bed. Barry disappeared to get Ray water. When he returned Ray was settled in on his side. Barry pulled up a chair beside the bed.  
  
Ray closed his eyes tightly for a brief moment then forced them open. He wanted to stay conscious as long as he could.  
  
“I can’t believe you let him go out there!” Nate jabbed a finger at Barry. “He was benched!”

“Benched?” Barry demanded. “What do you mean he was--”  
  
Ray was slowly slipping out of consciousness as the two argued back and forth. The tension rising between the two.

“You were supposed to be watching him!”

“I was! I had his back. What else was I supposed to do?”

“Not let him run out on the front lines?”

“What are you talking about? You told me to take care of Ray. I did that. Don't yell at me!”

“You were supposed to keep him in bed, he's sick!”

“I know that now, asshole.”

“Why couldn't you just keep him in bed? I asked you, Barry, I said you need to take care of Ray!”

“I didn't think that was what you meant!”

“What else would I mean, Barry, the man has flowers in his lungs!”

“Yeah, I figured that out when I had to take one out of his throat!”

Nate opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it before starting again. His shoulders relaxing. “You-- you didn’t know he was sick?”  
  
“No. I didn’t.” Barry crossed his arms. “He didn’t tell me.”

“He has Hanahaki. We all kinda do.”

“What is that?”

Nate sighed and ran a hand over his hair. “It’s like…” he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “It’s a parasite from Earth-855. Magical plant spores that get into your lungs, and they feed off of the feeling of unrequited, or seemingly unrequited love. No one's exactly sure how it manifests. It behaves as both a disease and a parasite. We were all exposed, most of us were safe. Sara has a girlfriend, none of us really talk outside the ship--” He rubbed his face. “Ray and John got infected."

“There’s no cure?” Barry’s eyebrows pulled together as he started to calm down from the confrontation.

Nate sat down on the end of Ray’s bed. “There is.” He spoke softer now. “John refused it, and he died with Ray beside him.”  
  
“Ray’s going to take the cure, right?”

Nate was silent.  
  
“ _Right_?” Barry repeated.  
  
“Ray hasn’t really said anything about that. So it’s safe to say he’s going to refuse if we try to make him.”

“Idiot.” Barry moved to sit by Ray’s bedside. He took one of his hands in both of his. He held it tightly in his as he tried to process everything. Ray was dying. Ray was _letting_ himself die. He closed his eyes tightly.  
  
Barry stayed with him. Fourteen hours were a hundred years and nothing to him at the same time. When Ray started to stirr, it was to turn onto his side and cough.  
  
Long pale fingers gently brushed Ray’s hair from his eyes. “Hey,” Barry’s voice was soft as his thumb stroked Ray’s cheek.  
  
“Kind of a shitty end to a date,” Barry laughed softly.

“Was that a date?” Ray mumbled.  
  
“Well, Nate gave me this big brother talk, so I kinda thought it was.”  
  
“Oh he did? I’m sorry. He’s worried because I’m sick.”  
  
“Oh, so it wasn't a date?”

“Did you want it to be a date?” Ray rubbed his face. “Well, did you, before all this?”  
  
“Well, I mean, yes?” Barry kissed the back of his hand. “Does that help anything?”  
  
Ray nodded once, his eyes falling closed. “Yeah, it does actually.”

“Oh, that’s good. I was actually about to try to get this figured out when Mick got injured.” the aforementioned Legend had broken his leg and was now seated in his own room with Axel II. Barry had checked in with him at some point but mostly stayed close to Ray. “I think you should have the surgery, though.”  
  
“I can’t do that.” He glanced up at Nate, who pulled his sleeve down further over the scars on his arms which had once been wrapped tightly in Hanahaki growths. They had since been cut away, leaving oddly shaped scars over his arms and torso.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
Ray looked at Nate again who nodded once before leaving. Ray sighed as he watched him go. “The curse isn’t that easy.” he began. “Yes, Gideon could cut away the growths, but it would take away my ability to really _fall in love_ again.”

“Is not feeling that really worth your life? There are other kinds of love, Ray.”

“I know there are, Barry.” he sighed and gave Barry’s hand a squeeze. “I have spent my whole life, feeling so deeply that its a part of who I am. My heart lunges into things without looking both ways. It’s always affected my relationships. I’ve always been the first to say ‘I love you’. It’s lonely sometimes, but I’ve spent my whole life dealing with it. I feel like cutting that part of me away-- it would be a waste. It would negate all the years I spent coming into myself.”  
  
“Raymond Palmer, you are an idiot.” Barry sighed and pressed his forehead against Ray’s. “but I’m right here with you, until you’re better, and even after.’

Ray smiled softly. “Thank you. Would telling you I love you scare you away?”  
  
Barry shook his head. “No, but I wish you’d said something instead of making yourself sicker.”

“It wasn’t the right time, I’m sorry.”

Barry sighed. This situation wasn’t ideal, but he was a superhero. Love wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows. It wasn’t without hurtles either. He rested his forehead against Ray’s. “I can understand a little. I wouldn’t want the time I told you I loved you to be when I was dying.”  
  
“So, this doesn’t blow it?”

“Nope, but you need to be honest to me from here forward, alright?”

“I promise. I think I’m going to go back to sleep, you should grab a bed too.”  
  
“Can I join you? We were pretty cuddly during the movie and it was nice.”  
  
Ray nodded tiredly and Barry climbed into the bed. Ray turned to face him. Barry wasn’t always a sleepy cuddler, it got too warm sometimes. Tonight though, Barry let Ray lean into his chest.

“I never noticed how fast your heart really beats.” Ray mumbled.  
  
Barry laughed softly. “Well, if you keep being this affectionate you’ll hear it stop.”

“What?”

“This is my resting heart rate, my accelerated heart rate can’t be picked up by EKGs or the human ear.”

Ray laughed “Well, that’s not scary at all.” his eyes closed.

* * *

Barry stayed with Ray, being close to him made both of them feel better. When the morning came around, he was tired but he made his way into the kitchen where Mona and Gary were discussing their living situation.  
  
“All I’m saying is that it’s so much easier to live on the Waverider. I don’t want to come home one day and learn that our apartment is a pizzeria because the legends did something!”  
  
“But Mo’ where am I going to put my dungeons and dragons figurines?”

“I’ll clear off a shelf for you-- Barry! Wow you’re here!” Mona rushed him. “What brings you here? Anyone--thing, anything special?”  
  
Barry pushed a few buttons on the fabricator. “I’m making breakfast for Ray.”

“I _knew it_ ! When did you two get together? Do you like RayBarry or Flashatom better? Gary suggested Pallen because the first half sounds like Paladin but I’m not as into that one and Almer just isn’t that fun.”  
  
“For what?” Barry raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
“Your ship name, silly!”

Barry blinked slowly. “I’m not sure I follow.”  
  
“Oh, you know! Like, a nickname for a relationship. Ray and Nate are Time bros, Sara and Ava are Avalance, Gary and I are Wu-Green Pals.”  
  
“I think we’re good.” Barry laughed softly. Out of the fabricator came various fruits. He began to mix the ingredients in a blender. He was sure Ray wouldn’t want anything solid but he had to eat something. He set it aside for Gideon to chill before going back to the fabricator and requesting things to make gluten free pancakes. For himself, and Ray just in case he felt up to something soft. "As you know, Ray's dealing with some health issues so we're trying to keep as much pressure off as possible."  
  
He mixed up the ingredients, making a large stack of pacakes. He nabbed one of the floating trays from the table and set the two plates and the smoothie on it carefully. “Gideon, please ensure the filtration system stays at maximum, and let the Legends know I made too many pancakes so there’s extra here.”  
 

He made his way back to Ray’s room. He sighed at the sight of Ray standing, he leaned heavily on the doorway. Reciting something Barry didn’t quite understand. He let him finish though, as he recognised the Hebrew Ray had spoken in front of him before.  
  
“Barry!” He grinned when their eyes met.  
  
“You should be resting. I brought a fruit smoothie and some pancakes, I wasn’t sure if you would be feeling solid foods.” he moved to sit on the bed and waited for Ray to join him.  
  
When Ray sat down, he took the smoothie from the floating tray. “Thank you.” He smiled again, already seeming to be back to his default setting of ‘sunny’. “It means a lot that you stayed.” he coughed a bit into a napkin, there was a little blood. “I’m fine!”

Ray had seen the concern in Barry’s face. “It’s fine. This is just what stage four Hanahaki looks like. I’m sure the symptoms will start subsiding soon, though we’ve never personally seen a Hanahaki recovery.”  
  
Barry rubbed his shoulder and leaned his head on Ray. “It’s technically psychosomatic, right? In a way, I mean. It’s connected to your emotions?”

“Yes, it’s entirely tied to emotions.”  
  
Barry gave him a light peck on the corner of his mouth. “Alright, I’ll take care of you for a bit then.”

“We’ll have you back at a reasonable time, I promise.”  
  
Barry nodded and they finished up their breakfast.  
  
A week later, Ray was seeing major improvement. He was breathing a little better and was permitted by Gideon and Sara to leave his room to stretch his legs, though breathing was still difficult, the parasitic growth seemed to have stopped. Today, they sat on the floor of the lab, tossing pieces of popcorn to each other while Ray made minor adjustments to his atom suit. “I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Are you bored here? Are you happy?”

Barry closed the small space between them. “I’m as happy as I can be. Worried about you, but otherwise, I’m happy. Working with you always made me happy.”

Ray nodded, grinning. “Me too.”

Barry leaned in and pressed his lips to Ray’s. There was a sharp intake of breath between the two. Barry hesitated, pulling back slightly.

“That was weird.”

“Sorry?”

Ray shook his head. “No, it just … I feel like I can breathe better.” Ray kissed Barry again, and took another deep breath. “Gideon, run a scan for me.”

“Dr. Palmer the parasitic growths in your lungs are dying off at a surprising rate. You’ve lost two in the last few hours.”  
  
“Thank you Gideon.”  Ray leaned in and kissed Barry again. “It was like inhaled you.” their foreheads touched.  
  
“At this rate I estimate Dr. Palmer being recovered in another few weeks.”

Barry grinned. “Thank god. Want to do a rain check our date when you’re up to it? There is this really great bowling place in central city that Iris and I used to go to.”

“That sounds fun. I love bowling!” Ray grinned.  
  
“Perfect.” Barry kissed him again and they easily returned to their routine. Crisis averted. Just another Superhero romance, right? Maybe not, but it wasn't something they couldn't handle.


End file.
